Dear Source, Love your Creations through me!
Befriend All I’ve Rejected
Dear U(nicorn),
I just reread my last posting and wanted to fess up! That writing made it sound like life is jolly every moment – one continual joy-buzz, and that isn’t (quite yet?) the case! I’m willing to believe that’s possible, though… and that’s a change.
Another huge change is that I’m also willing to embrace energies that don’t feel good. Here’s another song — I’m inspired to share it because of the line “befriend all I’ve rejected”:
I’m going Home, forgive the sins I’ve toyed with…
I’m going Home, befriend all I’ve rejected…
I’m going Home, it’s all I’ve ever wanted!
Open my eyes and see, I’ve always been at Home!
There has always been Light, though I have fooled myself with darkness…
You know there’s only been Light, though I sure fool myself with darkness!
And I’ve always been Home, but I do fool myself with lostness…
We’re going Home, there is no other answer!
We’re going Home, because Love is Love…
We’re going Home, the way lies in each other…
Open our eyes and see, we’ve always been at Home…
There has always been Love though we have fooled ourselves with hatred,
There has always been Peace, thought we sure fool ourselves with war…
And there’s always been Joy, though we can fool ourselves with suffering…
And we’ve always had Heaven, though we sure fool ourselves with hell!
We’re going Home! There is no other answer!
As I come to truly befriend all I’ve rejected, there’re no more bi-poles!
No war going on inside my head… No split… No internal chemical armaments…
The ‘befriending’ in my case, has been a – sometimes quite challenging –
process (though there are people, like Eckhart Tolle, who’s internal anguish forces the issue, and they wake up, ‘enlightened’ in one ‘swell poop’!)
Befriending myself has been the greatest challenge – and, according to my spiritual teachings (and my experience thus far), brings the greatest rewards!
What is the only thing that’s always there, no matter what? (As far as we know?) Our own consciousness! Our own awareness! Our “self.” It’s the lens through which we perceive the world. It’s the company we always keep. It’s the space within which we commune with our Higher Power… It’s operating to whatever degree it does, from the moment of our conception (or way before, if you believe in reincarnation) to the moment of our death (or way beyond…) If there is more to be had of Joy, Peace and Love, we will only know it through the avenue of our own consciousness. Answers that move us forward come from there, too… or if someone else proposes a helpful idea, it’s our conscious reception of it that makes it useful to us. Therefore, it follows, if there’s suffering, it’s coming from the same place! Which means (to me), that nurturing/understanding/befriending our consciousness is of GARGANTUAN importance!!! Our perceptions cause our suffering.
My rejection of myself and ALL I was experiencing caused acute suffering. Nothing was ever good enough because I was never good enough… how could it be, through my lens???
I waited and hungered and yearned for others to fill my needs… I dreamed of an “up the road” where I’d somehow be worthy of love… The present moment was always torture – I existed from a conscious place of ‘black hole…’ trying to suck universes into my emptiness and only felt more hungry. [Writing this brings the feelings right back… the difference is I can allow myself to feel the energy now, I embrace it – I don’t reject it – once it gets it’s ‘need’ for my attention met, it melts… that “union” almost feels good to me!]
The following bubbled up when I was lost in a particularly painful black hole. There was not a single soul I could even imagine receiving comfort from; an atheist at the time, asking help of a “Higher Power” wasn’t an option. Since I was sure I had nothing, was nothing, etc., I believed relief had to come from outside myself… but who else but me (my own consciousness) knew the nuances of my suffering and precisely what would comfort me?
So I imagined myself – another “me” – accepting myself and all my pain, soothing myself, holding myself… I even imagined us naked, just so we’d be close — not a sexual thing, just a loving thing — and for the first time in eons, I felt some tiny bit of relief and peace. I’ll probably share other uses I’ve made of our wondrous gift of imagination. This came…
The difference between “Hole,” as in the infinite black hole of the soul, the searing loneliness, the bone-deep hopelessness that sees all positivity as idiocy…
And “Whole,” as in full, peaceful, comfortable, “Home,” easy, grateful, loved…
Is a “W” (Double You)… the one who needs, desperately, and the one who knows precisely what‘s needed and gives it.
I sincerely hope this is of some benefit to someone! It is such a wonderful gift to be able to share it. My eyes are misting up as I write this (grateful mist!) I love you, fellow Unicorn!